Watching you fall inlove
by newgirlnessOTP
Summary: Set in s5 as Jess dates Sam again, and Nick can only watch it happen. Includes s5 Finale, and some angst. Will probably only be 2 or 3 chapters long. Reviews give me life! (Don't worry, Ness is always my OTP)
1. chapter 1 : Sam, again

Nick sat down on the couch watching Jess smile at her phone and giggle every now and again. He had been trying to hold it together for her sake but he couldn't ignore the aching feeling in his heart. This was killing him. How could shd be back with _him._

He had watched her date Ryan, and it had broken his heart to see her actually fall inlove with another guy. But Ryan had let Jess slip through his fingers. Nick couldnt imagine a bigger idiot, but then he remembered that he had her, and she had loved him so much she had dreamed of a future with him, and he let her walk away, and now all he had was their broken friendship and watching her replace him with new guys. He knew eventually she would move on from Ryan too, but he could never have prepared himself for Sam, again.

He thought back to when Sam walked into their living room and Jess had begged him to apologise to him so that she could get the job. He begrudgingly did, not meaning a _single_ word. He would still, after all this time, do anything for her. But he was _not_ going to lie and say he was sorry he kissed her.

 _I knew she was with you when I kissed her and you know what man, I'm not sorry at_ all. Nick clenched his fists at his sides, struggling with what he was about to say knowing it would make things awkward .

 _I kissed Jess because I had always been inlove with her and that kiss was amazing. That one kiss allowed me to date her. For a pretty long time. She didn't even think about you. We were just crazy in love._

He felt his voice break on the last word but still he held his ground.

 _You were the one stupid enough to let her get away, Sam. She is perfect and you let her get away!_

Nick screamed this at Sam but he was mostly screaming at himself, because he was that stupid too.

He turned to look af Jess _, " I will never regret kissing you Jess. It's all I ever want to do. sorry, wanted. "_ Her eyes widened at his slip up and she could feel her mind being flooded with a ton of memories. _It was just a slip up Jess. You and Nick are over. He is your Bestfriend._ She thought to herself.

Nick was suddenly snapped out of his trance when Jess hopped off the couch and yelled that she would be back soon. He put his head in his hands and sighed. She was probably on her way to see _Sam._

Nick's mood instantly shifted from sad to seething. How could she! She left Sam for _him_ And now, by getting back together with him again it's as if she's saying yhat she and I were a mistake! He thought angrily to himself as he punched the wall. He opened his door and slid down the back once it was closed.

 _Did she think our relationship was a mistake? Was she trying to have a redo to forget that she ever loved me? Does his kisses leave her breathless like mine did? Do his hands know her body as well as mine? Does he watch her sleep the way I did. Does he love her more than I do?_ _what? I mean did. Ofcourse i will always love Jess, as a Bestfriend. But he doesn't deserve her. Do you deserve her, Nick?_ He heard a small voice from deep inside hin ask him that. He got up and rummaged for the bottle of whiskey in his closet and took a big slug and then whispered softly, with tear glistening eyes, _No. I don't deserve her._ Nick decided he woukd stay drunk that day. Actually he had decided to stay drunk for the next few weeks. Hearing Jess and Sam laughing and having sex was ripping his souk out, so he often slept in the bar on night when sam would stay over. He hadn't being seeing much of Jess and he missed her, but it was better this way, because he knew if her soft eyes gazed at him and asked him what was wrong, he might just tell her.

He sat down on one of the booth chairs in the bar. Desperately trying to drink Jess out of his mind and trying harder even to drink away the thoughts of Sam touching what belongs to him.

 _belonged, Nick._

It was the night of the eve of Schmidt and CeCe's wedding. Nick had been texting Regean trying to fill the Jess void with Booze and another body.

They were all sitting at the dining room table when Jess and Cece suggested true American rather hastily. His mind was reeling. Nick had been walking passed Jess' door and heard the whole Sam proposal conversation. Could he really sit back and watch Jess _marry_ another guy. As the realization and the extent of his love for her dawned on him Nick felt paper thin and utterly broken.

Now he would have to live his whole life watching her love another, while he still would always be love her. He knew he could never find a person he could love half as much as he loved Jess but that was what he would have to settle for now. A mediocre love, for a mediocre guy. He laughed bitterly. Jess waa _extraordinary_ and so was Sam. So why would she even give him a second glance, Nick thought, As Jess looked at him, and gave him a second glance.

Nick heard "Kiss!!" and watched as Sam pulled Jess in for a small peck on the lips and watched her get flustered and looked almost a little bit uncomfortable. Probably because she knows hes going to propose soon.

Nick dropped all the cans of beer in his hand and locked himself in the bathroom. "What the hell, Nick!" yelled Schmidt. He didn't care. He couldn't watch this. It was a sledgehammer to a barely beating heart.

He sat down on the toilet seat and tugged at his hair in frustration. He had been inlove with the same girl for hald a decade now. He had always believed that he would end up with Jess. She was the finishing line for him. He always thought that nomatter how much they screwed up, eventually they would come back to each other.

Nick heard Jess on the other side of the door laughing and asking him to let her in because Sam had the plague and he was about to catch her.

 _How ironic. She's only running here, to me, because she's literally running away from another man. The man she now loves. The man she's going to marry. He's no good for her. But she obviously feels alot for him to consider marrying him. She felt alot for you Nick, and you blew it. She was considering a life with you. Ugh he wished that annoying Jess voice in his head woukd just go away. Then he realised. If Jess married Sam, it would. Everything about her would be gone._

Nick had tried loving others, like Kai and even Regean for a bit while Jess was away but nothing had ever worked out. And that's why it was so incredibly difficult to watch her fall inlove with another man. He thought if he felt like he couldnt find love again after what they had, that she would feel the same. But she didnt. So he closed the door on a love affair that changed his life and him more than anybody and anything else ever would . Seeing the only person he had ever loved more than anything in the world, love someone else was breaking him.

 _You closed the door, Nick._ He heard Jess' sweet but annoying little voice in his head. But it was right. He did. He suggested it. He drew it out. " _SHUT UP, JESS!!_ " He yelled, talking to his inner Jess forgetting about the one on the opposite side of the door.

"What? Nick are you okay? Let me in" " _No"_ his voice came out as a choky whisper.

Nick felt lost. He distinctly remembered the exact moment when he realised that their love would live forever in the past.He was at a loss for words. It was when Jess ran out of her room, frim Schmidt and into his arms and held him tightly. He pressed his head into her neck trying to memorize her scent and hold on to that feeling as long as he could. This is not what he wanted. He didn't mean for her to take him seriously about the break up, but he couldn't say anything. His voice had been stolen away from him along with his heart which he had left behind, with her that day.


	2. Chapter 2

"Nick, please talk to me." He heard Jess pleading from behind the door. "Please Nick Nack" she said sweetly and a small smile tugged at his mouth. He cautiously walked over to the door. "I'm okay Jess" "No, you're not. You're my best friend Nick, i know everything about you and you're obviously not okay." "Not everything, Jess.

 _You don't know that I never stopped loving you. You don't know that all I want to do right now is pull you in here and kiss you senseless. Infact that's all I can think about whenever I'm around you. You don't know this, because you're inlove with another man._ Nick laughed sadly at his thoughts.

"What does that mean, Nick? what don't I know?"

His heart was racing. The wind was knocked clean out of his body. He couldn't spend another minute talking to her because he knew he was about to breakdown and didn't want to subject Jess to that on her _happy day._ Love isn't just about the emotions you're feeling; it's about what this person means to you. And Jess meant everything to him. He could hide his heartache for the rest of the night, so Jess could have a happy one. When you realise the one you love is completely inlove with someone else and all traces of hope are extinguished, you see that the life you thought you'd have is impossible.

It didn't matter that he wanted to be a long haul trucker now because he wouldn't even have her as a wife, to come home to , be it in Mars or Portland, she had just disappeared from the picture entirely. He was going to be a lonely truck driver on Mars, pining over an earth girl for the rest of his life.

He washes his face and opens the door only to ssee Jess sitting on the floor against the wall waiting for him. He felt his heart strings being cut with surgical precision. He helped her up and she walked into the bathroom and tugged on his hand then closed the door.

"hey J-Day" he said a bit too forced and happily. "Stop it Nick. What's goin on? You've been weird around me for so long! and don't think I haven't noticed because I have! Youve been out all night, drinking all day, too tired to watch tv. I miss you, Nick!! " She shook his arms.

He felt a piece of him die inside because nomatter how great those words sounded, they would never mean what he wanted them to mean. He couldn't pinpoint exactly which part of him had died but he was almost sure it was his heart. There's always a hope in never knowing if she still loved him or not, and there was a chance in holding on. But knowing she was excited to marry sam squandered all that hope. And that's what truly broke his heart, because when she left, hope was all he had and he planned his happiness on someday, but all that had been taken aeay from him now.

Nick remembered how he had changed since that dreadful day. He had just been going through life, drifting without any purpose for the longest time, trying to get back to her. The world was somehow less bright without Jess in his life and he could only imagine how bright Dr. Sweeny's world was right now. He stolled pursuing a life he always dreamed of because without Jess nothing mattered. His life had changed and so had he. He onky defined himself in two ways. _Before Jess, and after Jess._ That was all there was for him.

He gulped down the lump in his throat and felt the burning picking in his eyes. Then he felt her cool smalk hands on his face. "Why wont you look at me, Nick?". Her voice was so small and coated with so much pain. He looked down at her and felt a single tear run down his cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

 _God I could just take one more step and kiss her. She's one step away. She's staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes and all i want to do is kiss her. This is so unfair._

What's wrong, she asked, her voice even more gentle than before. He looked away again and said so quietly he thought she couldn't hear, but she did. _"Everything"._

"Shouldn't you be getting back to your fiancee? " He said, sounding so defeated. She gasped. "Nick...is that what this is all about. " Then she _laughed._ He felt crushed and humliated. She stood there laughing at him. Just then Sam walked in and kissed Jess on the cheek and Nick finally lost it.

 _"YES_ OKAY. _Yes Jess. This is what all this is about. I knew you were going to move on some day Jess. Eventually. I had prepared myself for it. You're amazing, who wouldn't want to date you??. That doesn't change thr fact that it caught me off guard to see you with him again! That hurt so much, Jess. As if you werr trying wipe your mind clean of everything we had, and the one thing that had meant Everything to me. Us. I understand what was happening when you started dating him again, but I couldnt watch it Jess. Thats why I've been sleeping at the bar for the past few days and drinking myself in a mess."_

Nick paused as everyone else in the house ran to the bathroom hearing the comotion. Jess took a step closer to him and called out his name but stopped ehen he flinched and took a step back.

 _No, Jess! It was supposed to be me! I wanted to be with you since the moment i saw you. I wanted to start a family with you! I wanted...I was ready...I was just scared Jess and I pushed you away. I was ready to be the man you wanted. I'm just coming apart here Jess and I cant take this anymore. Watching the woman I love, falling inlove with someone else is killing me, Jessica_!

Nick's eyes dropped to the floor. He clutched his chest in his hand. In a broken, defeated voice, breaking on every word as he tried not to cry, he said slowly, never looking up at any of them. _"You were supposed to love me for ever. Not him. It was supposed to be me."_

Jess stood speechless, her heart breaking at Nick's pain apparent in every word and every movement he made. Sam lunged forward and punched Nick as ran out if the lofr realising the mess he had just made and the scene he caused.

Nick ran out of loft, holding his jaw in his hand. Sam looked down at Jess. "Is this a bad time to propose?" And she wanted to laugh, she really did, but her mind could only focus on Nick. _The woman I love._ Thats what he said right?

Jess heard Sam calling her name and she looked at him. It didnt even take her 5 minutes to decide. Sam held the ring box open in his hand and Cece smiled, knowing Jess was goinf to make the right decision. Everybody groaned as they couldn't believe what they were seeing. Jess stepped closer to Sam and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. He was the smart, safe choice.


	3. chapter 3

**AN: Thank you guys for the reviews. @cosmictrap, its finally finished dude. Happy days haha.**

 **I apologise for the spelling errors and typos in the last chapter, I was a bit drunk and sad (I was nick) haha when I uploaded it I hope you enjoy this. Writing Ness fics and reading them, gives me life. I will be finishing _One more try at a happy life_ soon and wrapping everything up there. **

\--NJ--

He was the smart, safe choice, but he wasn't her choice.

"I am so sorry. I am so so sorry". She whispered into his ear as she hugged him. "No, Dammit! You cannot be doing this to me again, Jess!" She kept saying she was sorry and then bolted for the door as Sam threw the ring on the floor. She needed to find Nick.

She took the elevator and went to the bar where she assumed he would be. But she couldn't find him anywhere. She called him 7 times and then he finally answered. He sounded drunk and so very...broken. "Jessica I apologise. I didn't wa-" "Where are you, Nick? I've been looking everywhere". She sounded so desperate. She needed to find him.

"I'm in the building Jess. In the stair way. nobody ever comes here." He laughed. She sighed and let out a quick chuckle. "Stay there please, Nick. Wait for me?" she asked wearily, somehow still worried he would say no.

He had obviously been listening to some sad love songs and drinking, and said into the speaker, " _You can make me wait forever, push me away and tell me never. I don't mind. No, I don't mind it. I would come back a thousand times"._ She heard him sniffle on the other end of the line _. "I'll be right there, Miller"_

Nick sat in the middle of the stair case and started to sober up waiting for Jess and realised he had nomore booze with him. He sighed. He had created such a mess. _So stupid, Miller. You're an idiot._ He said to himself and punched the cold hard steps just as Jess rushed in to see it happen. He let out a painful scream and Jess rushed to his side.

"Oh my _God_ , Nick! What are you doing!? You could have seriously hurt yourself!" He looked up at her sadly and stated the even sadder truth, " I don't care, Jess." She ached to pull him close and comfort him. "Well I do" she said gently as she took his hand.

While holding her hand, he noticed she didnt have a ring on. He felt relieved and somewhat more guilty. He played with her fingers, "so..uh...Dr Sam? Didn't propose?"

She smiled up at him, knowing the answer he was hoping for. He loved her. It was as clear as day now. She could see the anguish and pain written all over his face. She smiled and said, "Oh, no...He did, as soon as you left bu-".

Nick felt his stomach drop. "Oh, uh" . He let go of her hands as if she had suddenly caught fire and tried to stumble to his feet, all the while muttering stuff like "I'm so happy for you Jess, you couldn't have picked a better guy." The he started crying and looked at her and said "I'm just so happy for you is all". Jess smiled and took Nick's hands in hers again. "You didn't let me finish, Nick." He nodded. "I didn't say yes. I'm not going to. I ran out of there to come find _you_. Watching the man I love in so much pain, was killing me, Nick. "

Nick's eyes had never shined so bright. His smile stretched across his entire face. He held her hands tighter. "You said no?" he asked quietly. She nodded smiling at him as he tried to wrap his head around what was happening. "You said no.. because of me?... Because you...you lo..." Nick struggled to get last few words out but Jess stepped in. "I said no, because I love you. I love _you_ , Miller."

Nick closed his eyes and finallly let out the breathe he'd been holding, out of pure relief and happiness as she continued. "I was never going to marry him Nick. It was instinctive, the way I fell for you. Effortless, like taking a breath. Loving you was breathing Nick. And I could never stop that. I could never stop loving you."

Nick finally opened his eyes and pulled just forwarded into his grip and hugged her. He held her so tight he thought she couldnt breathe and then loosened his grip on her.

"Can _I...I really want to kiss you right now Jess._ "

He asked because he didn't want to mess up everything already. She looked at him and laughed.

"God, Miller. Just kiss me already" and he smiled at her reference. He dipped his head down and cupped her face and kissed her slow and deep. He felt like he was coming home, to a place that had been waiting for him since he left. It was warm, and happy and full of old cherished memories.

Finally they pulled back and Nick pecked her lips softly. "Wow, that doesn't ever go away does it?" she said, as she leaned her forehead against his. She was talking about the intense feeling she got from their kisses. The passion, the wanting, the _love_. "No" Nick said. "It truly doesn't" and he kissed her again.

They walked hand in hand towards the loft. Nick felt his heart instantly repaired. Jess stopped walking and he looked at her. "Did you mean what you said, Nick? You know. about the starting a family and stuff." she asked shyly afraid he might change his mind on that one.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life Jess. I want to marry you, I want a family with you. I want to put the toy together for you so that our son doesn't cry on Christmas day. I love you Jessica. Let me be that man for you. I'm ready".

She kissed him and heard cheers from down the hall where Schmidt, Cece and Winston looked at them and clapped hands. Sam had obviously left and she felt terrible because she cared about Sam, but nobody could compare to Nick.

She laughed as Nick dipped her lower and kissed her again putting on a show for everyone. They spent the night making up for lost time and making love. Jess sighed blissfully as she felt Nick's beard in her Neck moaning and whispering to her how much he loved her.

They would get it right this time. It would be forever this time. She knew it.


End file.
